A Mystery that Needs Real Attention

A Mystery that Needs Real Attention

Didn't it all begin with that lozenge? That orange lozenge... you coincidentally carried in your pocket, and so coincidentally you met her with no one around that Sunday winter afternoon; at the rear end of the campus where the two of you lived. You were bored with the day as your parents at home took a siesta after the sumptuous Sunday lunch. You sat on the pit of sand and were busy doodling until something in you told that the mysterious presence was right there. You looked back, but the eyes suddenly changed their glance towards the tree, gazing deep into its leaves, ignorant of any other presence. You saw the nervousness being caught red handed.


That's when you took a chance.

You threw a pebble towards her. She was caught - awareness appeared to fight in her mind.. As she looked, I signalled as if there was something urgent and even more mysterious. That drew her, and I picked out that lozenge. There was only one. So I suggested to share. I would clasp that between my teeth and she would bite the portion she wanted. 

A game that got the fancy out of us. And I allowed her, consciously, to pull that out - all. She popped that in. But she bit that in two and gave back my share after the first slurp. The boy in me grew boundless. We had played together for five to six years as if there was no difference between us. Fighting, hitting out, getting angry and complaining; also holding hands, feeling closer; yet not seeing any unusual.


The past two years had done something. A sea grew between us. Nervous and fearful to get closer. Wanting strongly to get rid of the dream, thoughts and the face sticking into my imagery. So I stood in complete rejection of her presence. As would she ignore. I took a chance that day unprepared. 

That was innocent. 

However the successful chance was a driver of another energy. That was not innocent as it carried with it several ideas, tricks and ways. It fired up the senses to take a chance in many other ways - more ingenious and out-of-the-box innovative. Not just with her but across situations and with others. 

Amidst tremendous fear and anxiety; and stronger moments with intense promise to abandon that sense. Academics and other engagements kept that at bay. But just when you struck another situation when you got that rare privacy - all promises broke, quivering in pain and anguish, you took yet another chance, making all efforts to be calm and at ease. I would share that with menfolk - friends, a few elderly people to ask why and know its mystery and the various complexities that tested far more than other more challenging situations in life. 

You knew no one gave the honest answer. Most certainly they never answered why the want to take a chance came with intense fear. In fact the more you discussed the fear, the more you turned into a subject of laugh and ridicule. Like most things in life, you had to find a solution yourself. 

Several such incidents passed by. Taking a chance was most definitely not ever rewarding. As you look back you thank that you avoided plenty. Yet those few - very few left behind unforgettable memories of being poor in will and direction, and being dishonest. 

Adulthood was wiser as it turned that entire phenomena into an innocent game - take that by a distance and leave that a distance. As a man, to suggest that you are not taken in by the mystique of the glance would be denying the truth entirely. It does and it does well until even a good age. 

But it is resolvable. 

It requires skillful management. It would stay a part of your life unquestionably, no matter how intensely you are engaged with just one of them. For me it is a harsh but so genuinely real truth. And like many other inherent normal life syndromes, it will bug you if you don't attend to it, consciously and sensibly. Quite naturally it is a matter worth a real management; and as you do that you find a range of unique skills hold you stronger. I wish the boy in me had a Master. Possibly taught me earlier so I would have managed that disapprovingly. Let me try that with my son.